There are certain things that I felt after being with a narcissistic person.
I was scared for my life. I was afraid that he was following me everywhere.
I felt like I’m never going to be the same again. My chest hurt; my heart skipped beats.
I was so insecure and afraid of everything. I listened to everyone except myself – I lost my dignity.
I was weak. I cried for everything, for the slightest thing that happened.
Every soul I met was a possible threat to me. Not only that I couldn’t trust myself, but I also couldn’t trust others either. I pushed away some great people from my life because I wasn’t ready to let anyone into my life.
I tried to hide my pain and anger, which were growing bigger and bigger every day, and act normally. I worked hard to be happy, so I put on a fake smile, but my eyes told you the true story. I have forgotten what happiness is because it was a long time ago since I laughed sincerely -he put me into complete darkness. Now I have built walls – no one is able to tumble down. I pushed away people who love me, and solitude became my best friend.
But those who loved me sincerely stayed by my side anyway. I wanted to be alone, and they knew I needed some time for myself. They understood I couldn’t just get over it so quickly.
While being with a narcissistic person, I felt that everything that happened around me was my fault, so I immediately said ‘sorry,’ even when it was not my fault. I got used to taking the responsibility to dodge the emotional abuse and calm him down.
One thing I needed the most – I needed someone who’ll keep their promises for a change. I was always given lies and false promises. I’m sick and tired of disappointments.
I’m going to need some time to feel and give love again.